Babeh

That view you have as you are waiting in the hospital for them to tell you if your water broke or not. It was March 30th, all day I had a feeling my water broke but was hesitant to go because it wasn't a "gush" like you see in the movies. 3am that morning I went to the bathroom for the one millionth time that night, this time was different but I didn't want to think anything of it, because ya know, having a baby is intimidating and while you're excited you're also absolutely terrified. I had been counting on induction day that was set for April 9th (happy birthday Eric). As the day went by I kept trying to do my regular routine, keeping a toddler alive. It wasn't till my sister came over that evening to pick up orders that I talked to her about it and she's just like "go to the hospital...". I proceeded to message Scott that I "think" my water broke, and he replies "should I come home?" - - - "I'm coming home"

We then pack Leroy up and Scott drops me off at the hospital and I tell him "Go take Leroy out to eat, i'll message you when I'm done and they send me home". I walk in and they give me a room, do the check. I wait for them to tell me I can go home so I can go get some food (probably was thinking about La Frontera). The nurse waltz in and goes "It's broke!".

Aw, man.

I message Scott "It's broke, I guess."

Last Family pic of Three

Kristy was able to get off work right away and come pick Leroy up from the hospital before they started giving me pitocin and pricking me with needles. 

My mom was on her way up to meet Kristy at my house so she could spend the night with Leroy while I stayed in the hospital. I was in labor all night, pretty sure if they just popped my water the rest of the way she wouldn't have been out that night. But alas, here we are.

They turned me every couple hours throughout the night trying to get her to shimmy down. Morning hit, Doc came in and broke my water the rest of the way and I basically had the baby 30 min after... 8:59 am, 15 min of pushing about. Alice Faye Gifford came into the world arms up high ready to party. She was 7lb something of adorableness.

Ok, so that made labor seem somewhat easy, it wasn't. Easier than Leroy's be quite a long shot, but no way easy in general. I had a cough at the beginning of January for about 2 weeks, non stop coughing. When they had placed the epidural in I was laying reclined and started having a coughing fit. Not a big deal except for the fact I couldn't get enough air back into my lungs since I couldn't feel my stomach. Luckily Scott was quick thinking and was able to move the bed up so I could get a little bit of air. That may have been one of the most frightening moments of my life. After birth was incredibly easy and incredibly hard in some ways, I was loosing a lot of blood (again) ---- Let me rewind to Leroy, birthing Leroy was the HARDEST thing I have ever done, hands down. I got 3rd degree tears, I lost so much blood that luckily I didn't need a blood transfusion, the recovery was BRUTAL. I basically couldn't walk normal for 3-4 weeks, and it took 6 months to feel normal again, somewhat.

Now fast forward back to Alice, I have never seen blood clots, but let me tell you....gross....

They were concerned I was loosing too much blood after birth and gave me an IV so I can get MORE contractions after birth to speed up the shrinking of your uterus (I'm not one to get this much TMI, so sorry). Anywho, I had Alice on March 31st (Friday) and went home April 1st (Sat).

Leroy wasn't sure what to think, it was quite the adjustment going from one kid to two kids over night. 

The day I went home from the hospital I was feeling so good, walking normal(ish) and ready to get back to my everyday life because that's what moms have to do when they already have a kid or kids. Took pain meds once and didn't need them after the contractions went away. Nursing came easy, hurt for about a week then I was fine. Alice was just an easy baby, besides her grunting and moaning in her sleep kept me up most nights.

It seemed to be going so perfect, I had this perfect little girl and a toddler that for the most part didn't drive me bonkers being his toddler self. 

Now let's get real for a moment, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for about 10 years now. I'm not one to talk about it because it seems like a silly topic. Everyone seems to have it so why should I share something a ton of people seem to have? I'm not going into much detail about my teen years because that will just be too much of a downer. I met Scott and it seemed everything was perfect (it was), I'd occasionally get that dark cloud over me and shut down and he wouldn't know why. Though, when I got pregnant with Leroy it all flooded back, I had Leroy and it was the most challenging moment of my life. I was so anxious that if I thought about being around large groups of people I'd just shut down. I'd be anxious when people held Leroy (most first moms are like this though), I literally hated leaving the house.

Alice was born and I thought everything was wonderful, but alas, it wasn't. I was brave enough to tell my doctor that I was struggling, she gave me some meds. Now depression meds take a good month before you feel "normal" again. I never understood that "normal again". What does normal feel like?

So fast forward a month - guys, I feel so much better. I haven't cried or shut down in a couple months. I've been willing to leave my house. We've stayed at my parents so much this summer and I have LOVED it. I'm not just thinking "I wish I was at my own house" the whole entire time. Family gatherings have been easier with me not being anxious. I'm just in a better place. It's been a long time since I've felt this ok.

Ok, end of serious moment.

I sure love my funny bunny Alice and my "Chubster" Leroy. 

They secretly like each other

- Thanks for letting me share this.